Marriage problems for some couples start with their inability to adjust to their new life. This could be because you simply weren’t ready to get married and commit just yet. For some, getting married involves moving to a different city or country and they aren’t able to adjust to this change. This might be temporary for some, and with some help you can get through it. For others, you might realize you’re too miserable and not so-in-love anymore, and in such a situation it’s best to separate.

Hopefully you will know your partner well enough before you tie the knot. However, sometimes it’s hard to be objective through rose-tinted glasses. So what happens is you don’t know enough about your partner, or worse, they’ve lied to you and convinced you about them and their life that are definitely not true.

So you get married and then realize things aren’t exactly the way you were made to imagine. Lies and exaggerations can be about pretty much anything –

• Personality traits
• Financial status
• Social status
• Sexual prowess and fertility
• Ex-partners
• Criminal records
• Children
• Illness
• Addictions

So is a lie or an exaggeration a deal breaker? That would really depend on you but ask yourself some of these questions.

• Does it change the way you feel about them?
• Can you overlook the fib and continue living with your partner?
• Does the lie drastically change the person you imagined them to be?
• How big or small is the lie? For example, if they told you they earned $60,000 but really earn $50,000 – it might not be hard to live with it. However, if you discover they have a serious criminal record – you might need to do some serious thinking.
• Can you forgive them for the lie?
• Will the lie affect your relationship?
• If you have children, how does this lie affect them?

Your answers to these questions can help you decide whether or not you want to stay married to your partner.

Abuse in a relationship can be physical, sexual, emotional, psychological and even financial. Victims of domestic violence often deny they are in an abusive relationship but if your relationship shows obvious patterns of abuse that your partner is using to gain control over you, you are definitely a victim. Abuse in any form should not be tolerated and you must take a stand to prevent it. Click here to read more about domestic violence and how and where you can get help.

If your marriage with your online love is going through a bad patch or simply isn’t working out, you should seek help

• Counseling – Relationship counseling or marriage therapy can help you and your partner get through the not-so-big issues, and sometimes even the big ones.
  – If your marriage issues are particularly hard to handle or you are a victim of domestic violence, a good counselor can help you deal with the pain.
• Community Support – There are several community support groups that can help you handle your problems better. For example, a support group for domestic violence victims can help you sympathize and empathize with others who have suffered the same. Or, if you are missing home and this is affecting your marriage, you can seek out a group of expatriates from your country in your city to help you ease into your new culture.
• Legal Help – Some issues are not easy to handle by yourself so get help from a qualified solicitor in such a situation. In the case of domestic violence, you might need to get in touch with the police or contact other government organizations for intervention as well.
• Confidants – Last but not the least, never undermine the support of your friends and family. Whether you just talk to them about your adjustment issues or need them to get you through a relationship that is ending – confide and you will feel better.